Lifestyle, Travel, and Wellness

Why You Should Start Doing More Things Alone

Why You Should Start Doing More Things Alone

What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be. -Ellen Burstyn

“I don’t have anyone to go with.”

“It won’t be fun by myself.”

“They can’t go anymore so I’ma just stay home.”

These words have left my mouth more than I’m willing to admit. I was so dependent on other people joining me that I never stopped to think about doing things on my own. I missed out on a concert to see The Weeknd, my favorite artist, because my friends bailed last minute. I pouted, cried, and went to bed instead of woman-ing up and going on my own. I was so scared of what all the girls who were there with their friends would think when they saw me by myself.  Looking back, I’m sure I would’ve found myself singing along with complete strangers, having a good time. I try not to have regrets but that night has to be one of them…I was so emotional that I didn’t think anything out logically and missed out on a great night.

Instead of beating myself up over something I can’t change, I decided to put an end to relying on other people to do the things I want. I started small and gradually did more on my own . In the beginning, I would go to coffee shops alone or have lunch at a new restaurant by myself. I worked my way up to going to a Broadway show and the movies. My most recent solo leap was buying a ticket to Los Angeles.

In each case, I knew I wanted something and finding someone to roll with took more work than I was willing to put in. I was fortunate enough to have two friends in LA willing to host and show me around. That definitely made my experience a more positive one but at the time of my purchase, I was prepared for two days of solo wandering while my friend went to work. I didn’t end up having to be my by self but I was ready for it if it needed to happen.

I’ve enjoyed each and every adventure I’ve decided to take on my own. The planning was easy because I only had to worry about myself and only had to be on one person’s time schedule-mine!

We all love our friends and wish we could have them there for all our major experiences but a big part of adulthood is going after what you when you want it. Missing out on seeing a movie because you can’t sync schedules with the squad is slightly annoying but you can fix that. Missing a grand opening of a new cafe or not going on Spring Break because no one can join you is just putting your life on hold for other people.

My roommate recently bought a ticket to see one of her favorite artists perform in NYC. She scouted for someone to join her but was limited due to a language barrier and not many of us being familiar with this artist from India. She told me she took the leap to go alone and had my voice in her head as she completed the purchase. I LOVE being that motivation. I want everyone to have my voice in their head and to take the jump and do things alone without worrying about what others think about it.

What solo-activities have you done recently? Or what’s stopping you? Share with us in the comments!

 



  • Lisa Elaine

    Oh i love this! I used to not do anything on my own..but then realized I would be missing out on experiences if I always waited for someone. I really have learned that other people really don’t pay attention nor care what you’re doing! Love this!

  • Wife Sense

    Good for you! There’s not much I like better than going exploring in my car – alone! I can drop into whatever antique shop or restaurant I want without consulting anyone else’s opinion. Love my “me time.”

  • Victoria Lola

    that’s a big bold step you took….requires determination. Not many people can take that leap forward. Well done Jovania <3

    I grew up as the only child of my parents and that alone stopped me from being independent….my dependent self stopped me from going places…stopped me from applying for jobs and trainings…..but thank God I realized how much I missed out on fun; it starts with loving yourself and building self esteem
    Great article :*

  • Awesome! I did a three week backpacking trip in Europe solo and recently went to a local museum because everyone was too busy. I’m an extrovert and hate being alone but it’s a great experience to be okay with just yourself. It reassures you that you can do anything and aren’t dependent on others. Why should you not go out and do something if you really want to do it.

    Justine
    http://www.theiridescentwings.com
    *You can also check my youtube video all about my solo museum trip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWuROMJFCcg *

  • I wish I had the guts to do things alone back in high school! I missed out on so many opportunities because my friends couldn’t go. I started doing things alone when I was pregnant with my daughter and although it seemed like a daunting task at first it really wasn’t that bad! I can now go out by myself and be completely fine.

  • Nisa Mariah

    I need to get the guts to go out by myself. I missed out on Beyoncé concert because I thought it would be waaay awkward.

    • ahh so you feel my pain on missing a concert. We can’t let it happen to us twice!

  • I couldn’t agree more. I remember my teen years, I always dreaded even going up to the shops to get milk alone aha. Now I’ve grown to appreciate how relaxing doing things in solitude is.

    Christie’s Take on Life. xx

  • You are so right
    I just recently decided to start doing things on my own now ‘cos my friends are now married with kids
    I’m glad you encouraged me in that
    Nice post

    ngraffi.blogspot.com

  • Maya

    I felt the same way when I was in school and I was always missing out on things. My favorite thing to do by myself would probably be window shopping at the mall. It just gave me so much time to think and relax. My next goal is to start traveling by myself

  • Derika Buckner

    Great read! I didn’t have many friends that hung out with me, either.
    I did make an effort to do things by myself and I got some great me-time. This is so important to remember!

  • Great read. I stopped waiting on people a LONG time ago. I travel alone a lot and learned that you get to meet others doing the same thing. Doing things solo doesn’t always mean you’re going to be alone.

    • You’re right JoAnna, sometimes you just take the first step alone and then meet the right people

  • Aarika Chilson

    This is an awesome post! When I moved to PA from CA (years ago), I didn’t know one person in the entire state. =) Even though I have always been super independent, it was challenging at first to do some activities alone, activities such as attending movies, theater, restaurants, etc. However, I learned how freeing and empowering it is to show up at a restaurant, ask for a table for one, and just sit alone. It was like going on a date with myself! Cheers to your beautiful, vulnerable, and inspiring post! #beyou

    • Thanks Aarika! I agree- “table for one” is so empowering! Go you for getting over the challenge!

  • I love this post! I started doing more things by myself when I transferred to college across the country and didn’t have any new friends yet. Traveling is something I’m more nervous about but I’ll be taking a solo trip to the Dominican Republic for my birthday no less in a few weeks. Pray for me! lol

  • One of my favorite poets has a poem called “Lonely can be sweet”. This post sums it up perfectly. I tend do enjoy solitude. As a single mom of 3, I crave moments where it’s just “me, myself, and I”. It allows me to refresh my spirit.