Rejection is a bitch. There’s no nice way to put it. The dating game and job search have this one in common. You send out hundreds of job applications, some you really want and others feel safe so you hit the submit button. Finally, you get an email notification and eagerly open your inbox. Your eyes are met with another auto-generated message thanking you for your interest and letting you know someone else’s qualifications better matched the position. Did they really? Sometimes, that’s just code for we knew we were hiring internally but posted this job anyway, for legal reasons. What about men? You take the time out of your busy schedule and finally agree to that coffee date. What’s the harm, you think to yourself. Your introverted personality is shocked that you actually enjoyed yourself and can’t wait to hear from him and plan the next date. Days go by, no text no call. At least the job had the decency so send a message.
Rejection hurts. Our bodies process this emotional reaction similarly to physical pain. An ice pack and Tylenol doesn’t really do the trick though. We’re triggered by these auto emails and men who lack communication skills and direction. We start to question if we said the wrong thing. Did my cover letter have a typo? Did I talk about my ex too much? When it’s not a flat out rejection telling us we’re not good enough it’s drawn out silence that leaves us waiting for a call that will never come. Which one’s worse?
The powerful apps and gadgets that have been put in our hands don’t make this game any easier. ZipRecruiter tells you when an employer views your application so you sit there actively refreshing your email and making sure your phone is loud enough not to miss a call. No new messages. No missed calls. Read receipts on iMessage or simply the “delivered” stamp show your text was sent successfully yet hours go by without a response.
It’s an emotional rollercoaster. The men we want to date and the jobs we think are perfect for us usually aren’t. It’s our egos that are bruised in the process that force us to second guess everything we bring to the table. If he’s not calling after your date, chances are his poor communication skills would only carry over into the idealistic relationship you thought you wanted. If he can’t get it right this early, do you really expect much later? A real man goes after what he wants and if he’s indecisive and unsure about you, you’re better of without him. The perfect job that’s meant for you will be yours. Trust the process. However, there’s more of a return on investment on proving your worth to the job if the numbers are right (salary). While dating and job hunting do have their parallels, landing your dream job is the only one that requires selling yourself. Resume tweaks and a new cover letter just be might the key to getting your foot in the door.
Regardless of the cause, the goal is to avoid sulking when feelings of rejection start to peer their ugly heads. Don’t give in to self-criticism. You can be self-aware without being deprecating. Practice affirmations and remind yourself of all you have to offer. It doesn’t matter if anyone else sees it; it’s for you. Surround yourself with people who support you. You don’t need anyone around who brings you down or makes you question your worth. There’s never going to be a perfect world where you get everything you want. As much as people love telling me that it’s my world and they’re just living in it, I know I can’t control everything. What you can control is your reaction to negative emotions and how you emotionally process not getting your way.